Recently, my husband invited me to do a shibari session with him. We had reached this same chronic stuck point in our relationship. I desired an apology for hurtful behavior and he wouldn’t or couldn’t provide what I wanted and needed to repair.
After a prophetic dream of me in the ropes, he brought it to me with a slight twist…instead of seeing each other as our human selves, he suggested we enter the session only seeing each other as our divine selves and even referring to each other as such.
Of course, I desired to be called “Goddess” and naturally, I felt called to call him “God”. A modern day Hieros Gamos Ritual.
Because of the current tension in our relationship, we did not enter the temple with hearts wide open and yet, that was the desired outcome. To open our hearts and come to a resolution in this stuckness we found ourselves again.
After three years of temple ceremonies, the one thing we always know is that we never know what to expect. And while we may not seemingly get what we wanted, we ALWAYS get what we needed.
OPENING CEREMONY
The opening ceremony was a little stagnant while we were warming up to each other. I normally give free range on boundaries in these sessions but this time I had many boundaries. I knew what I was available for and what I was not. And I also knew that if the energy shifted during the session, I might become available for things midway that I was not open to in the beginning so I stated that. Here’s where I’m at and we can revisit if needed. I trusted myself to advocate for a change.
Next, he asked if I would be willing to be blindfolded during this shibari session. We had not yet done a blindfolded session so this was brand new territory. I checked in with my body and was a full yes to that. We continued.
SURRENDERING TO THE UNKNOWN
He placed the blindfold over my eyes. Then proceeded to tie my hands with rope behind my back. I could feel the rough fibers of the rope drag across my wrists as I settled fully into my body. Then he began to wrap the rope sensually above and below my breasts to create the chest harness while ensuring to honor my boundaries. Once the chest harness was secured, I became completely dependent on his guidance. I could not see, nor have any access to my upper body usage. I was truly reliant upon him.
He brought me to my feet, where I felt him kneel before me. He genlty placed his hands on my womb. There were no words spoken but I felt his apology even if his words were not present. Tears flowed as I received his deep heart felt, energetic apology.
At one point, as he transitioned me into a new position, he stood me up and let go of my upper body before I had my footing. I began to stumble but quickly he caught me, held me until I was stabilized and I immediately experienced a large emotional surge move through me. I felt the deep truth of where I was walking through the literal dark in my life, my purpose & my mission with no direction or holding. And what I needed was him to understand that and stand there with me, be mindful of my blindness and hold me until I was stable again before walking away. Inside of me, I’ve been birthing something that most people cannot understand. There is no blueprint, no path laid out, just blindly navigating the dark wilderness of the Great Mystery not solely as an initiate but as a steward. This path I walk is one that is before it's time, one that asks so much of me and one there is no blueprint for therefore making it not always easy. The ground beneath me is unknown, the path unforged.
